Navigating Relationship Challenges: A Detailed Insight into Effective Solutions and Collaborative Resolutions
If you go to a doctor and tell them you have acidity, and when asked, you say you have a strong liking for cold drinks and consume a liter of them every day. In response, the doctor tells you it's entirely your fault. You need to immediately stop consuming cold drinks, adopt the habit of drinking plain water, and take medicine for a few days.
Would you argue with the doctor that it's amazing they haven't said anything to companies selling cold drinks? They've put all the blame on me. The real culprits for my condition are the companies producing and selling cold drinks. I'm suffering for free, aren't I?
Hopefully, your answer will be no, I won't. You know you've gone to the doctor. The doctor has explained the real cause of your illness and its solution.
Alright, let's assume for a moment that the doctor agrees with you. And says, "Okay." You sit down.
Then the doctor says,
Look, it's your right to feel and desire as you do, and if your wish is to use as many cold drinks as you like, then go ahead. In reality, if this desire is so crucial to your life, indulge in it. Even if someone is to blame in this matter, it's the companies selling cold drinks. They should face consequences. And I'll do something for you. I'll write you some medicines; you keep taking them, and along with them, enjoy as many cold drinks as you want. You won't have a problem with acidity.
In this situation, did the doctor solve your problem?
Certainly, the doctor immediately made you feel at ease. Acknowledged your emotions and desires. Acknowledged the importance of your wish. And is also an expert in medicines.
But in reality, the doctor suppressed the issue for the time being. Now you start consuming even more cold drinks than before and, with the medication, suppress the acidity, which was a warning from nature that you should be cautious.
In the next stage, your acidity will become more dangerous, and perhaps you'll have to pay a hefty price for it in terms of health and life. Meanwhile, the doctor has received his fees from you continuously.
In marriage counseling, often both men and women express during sessions that they are essentially seeking validation for their perspective. They want you to sympathize with their suffering during the session and say that they are genuinely unhappy, and their partner is very unjust. You're not at fault.
While the truth is that in almost ninety percent of cases, both parties are at fault. Some more, some less, but both sides contribute to bringing the relationship to a breaking point.
On social media, many women are seen objecting that you've only explained things to the wife in a certain issue, not to the husband. I say first, look at the problem, whose is it? The one facing the issue also gets the solution explained to them.
For example, a wife complains that her husband doesn't pay attention to her. So, in its solution, if the counselor sits with her, counting the husband's mistakes, will that solve the problem? Or is it better to make her a person who gains the husband's attention?
A husband complains that his wife indulges in unnecessary spending in household expenses. So, will sitting with her and scolding her solve the problem? Or is it better to guide the husband in a way that he can prevent her from this wasteful spending or create awareness?
Remember, in marriage problems, if anyone can solve the problem, it's you yourself, not the other party or a counselor. In the end, you have to take action yourself.
This article was taken from Facebook and translated. The author is my mentor, Agha Mahmood
